Dave Kitson, a former footballer, anonymously penned five books and a widely-read newspaper column under the guise of ‘The Secret Footballer.’ He initially relished the freedom of offering unfiltered opinions, a novelty in the world of football commentary at the time.
The anonymity, however, soon morphed into a source of intense anxiety. Kitson risked everything with each published piece – his career, his contract, his livelihood – knowing exposure would mean immediate dismissal and professional exile.
Despite the personal cost, ‘The Secret Footballer’ ignited a crucial conversation within the sport, prompting significant changes at the highest levels of football administration. Kitson takes pride in this impact, yet acknowledges the immense pressure it placed upon him.
A particularly poignant column, titled ‘Sometimes There’s Darkness Behind the Light,’ addressed the taboo subject of mental health in football. It was a daring move, as vulnerability was then equated with weakness within the traditionally stoic culture of the game.
Kitson boldly predicted a mental health crisis within football, warning that tragedy was inevitable if the issue remained unaddressed. The timing of this publication proved devastatingly prophetic.
The column appeared on Saturday, and on Sunday, the shocking news of Gary Speed’s death broke. This event fundamentally altered the perception of ‘The Secret Footballer,’ imbuing it with a grim credibility Kitson never sought.
He was consumed by guilt, haunted by the thought that an earlier, more forceful plea might have prevented the tragedy. The weight of responsibility was crushing, and he struggled deeply with the aftermath.
Kitson also felt a surge of anger towards football authorities, whom he perceived as passive and unresponsive to the growing mental health needs of players. He felt they failed to provide adequate support and resources.
While acknowledging positive changes have since occurred and those responsible are no longer in power, the tragedy remains a deeply painful memory. Speed’s death transformed the column from a popular read into a somber reference point.
Overwhelmed by the gravity of the situation and the unwanted attention, Kitson made the difficult decision to stop writing and effectively disappear from the public eye, bringing ‘The Secret Footballer’ to an abrupt end.
