Ashley James has bravely shared a deeply personal story, revealing she was raped at the age of 21. The experience, she explains, shattered her sense of self and initiated a long, agonizing journey of self-blame.
For years after the assault, James found herself consumed not by anger towards her attacker, but by a paralyzing fear of his reaction. She worried more about his potential disapproval and the judgment of others than her own trauma, haunted by the possibility of being labeled and shamed.
The immediate aftermath was marked by silence and a misguided attempt to maintain a friendship with the man who had violated her. Even now, she admits to struggling with the label of “rapist” when thinking of him, a testament to the insidious power of trauma and self-doubt.
James emphasizes a crucial point: consent is absent when someone is unconscious. Despite being intoxicated and dressed for a night out, she was surrounded by friends she trusted, a betrayal that compounded the pain. The expectation that women should anticipate and prevent such attacks from male friends is a burden she finds unacceptable.
The current system, she argues, often feels stacked against survivors, placing the victim under scrutiny rather than focusing on the perpetrator’s actions. This imbalance creates a climate of fear and discourages reporting, perpetuating a cycle of silence.
James powerfully asserts that a person’s clothing or level of intoxication is irrelevant. Nothing justifies sexual assault, and the focus should never be on what a survivor was wearing or doing.
Her message is a call to action: stop teaching girls to modify their behavior to avoid assault, and stop questioning survivors about their choices. The responsibility lies solely with the attacker, and societal attitudes must shift to reflect that truth.
Recent statistics paint a grim picture of the prevalence of sexual assault. The Crime Survey for England and Wales estimates around 900,000 people aged 16 and over experienced sexual assault in the year ending March 2025, with women disproportionately affected but men also impacted.
Rape offenses have seen a substantial increase in recent years, with alarming data from 2024 revealing a rape offense reported every hour in London. Over 8,800 incidents were reported to the Metropolitan Police in 2023, averaging 24 per day.
While the Metropolitan Police acknowledge the need for improvement and report a doubling of rape charges since 2022, charities express concern that these figures only represent a fraction of the true extent of the problem. Many attacks remain unreported, hidden by shame, fear, and a lack of faith in the system.
Organizations dedicated to supporting survivors, like Victim Support, offer crucial resources and a lifeline for those navigating the aftermath of sexual violence. They can be reached at 0333 300 6389.
